smallsjennifer said:
been a while would you say i have cuckolded my boyfriend we were meant to sort of swing but only i have been having sex.. And I have told him my new boyfriend is better in bed feels a bit weird i never thought my boyfriend would be interested in this and still havent talked about it..
This is where I think you need to be careful and smart about how you proceed--I definitely think that what you said you did in your last post wasn't a great idea, but what's done is done.
You have to understand that, unless he's a great looking guy or has lots of money, it's going to be a lot easier for you to find black guys than it is going to be for him to find other women to have sex with him. Naturally, this is going to end up being frustrating for him unless A.) he finds a married woman looking for some action on the side (dangerous for him) or another woman that he's attracted to (dangerous for your relationship if you want to keep him), or B.) you find a way to slowly introduce him to taking a part in what you're doing and make that sexually satisfying for him (whether it is, particularly, for you or not).
At first, of course, he's going to try to find other women to have sex with--partly to get back at you and partly to stroke his own ego. If he finds the right girl, well, you may lose him. If you do, then he wasn't the right guy for you anyway (and you will have saved yourself a lot of grief years down the road by finding that out now). More likely, he will have a few dalliances, but either find these other women not as attractive or satisfying as you or that these women want more from him than he is willing to give (ie a committed relationship!). In the meantime, you are going to be having a great time meeting and being fucked by some terrific black lovers. Not all will be as good as some of the others and some will want more than you are willing to give (if you are committed to your bf). But, on the whole, you aren't going to lack for good black men to fuck you well.
How is your bf going to compete with that, let alone find a place in your life?
Trust me on this, he isn't going to know. And, unless you do something to help him, that's going to make him scared and angry. And, it just may push him out the door.
If you want to hang onto your bf, you're the one who is going to have to show him that he has and will have a place not only in your life, but in the things that you are doing with your black lovers. And, that being in that place can be emotionally and sexually satisfying for him if he stays with you.
If you read on this site and other interracially-oriented sites, you will find that there are a lot of ways that you can make him a part of what you are doing with your black lovers. The key is to go slow at first--DON'T try to throw him into the "deep end" right away. See if you can find some things related to interracial sex that he might be interested in and, then, see if you can introduce him to those possibilities in such a way that he will end up thinking that doing them was his idea in the first place.
You mentioned that you were making out with your first black lover at the same bar that he was trying to pick up another girl. Obviously he saw you and later had no real objections to you going out on a date with that black guy. Why? What was it that he saw that overcame any possible possessiveness or jealousy at that point? Try to find out if there was something--anything--that he liked or that turned him on when he saw you kissing that black guy (you have to know that he looked at some point, he didn't just ignore you and what you were doing all night, even if he was with another woman!).
You said that the color contrast was a big turn-on for you. Could it be (or have been) for him, too?
You don't have to have a big "sit-down" to discuss this with him (not unless you think that's the best way), but talk to him. When you're having a conversation, if the opportunity comes up, drop a question into what you are talking about that might give you some insight into what he's thinking about all of this or let you know what might turn him on, etc. Let it be natural, but try to learn as much as you can.
Since I don't know him, I don't know what may appeal to him at this stage. For me, it was the color contrast and the taboo aspect of interracial sex. Being visually oriented, when I was presented with an opportunity to watch and take photos, I jumped at the chance. Who knows, your bf may also.
You have to find a hook for him--to hang his hat on, so to speak. Something that he will find sexually gratifying. For many white guys, the thought of having sex with their wife or gf after she has had sex with a black guy is a real turn-on. Perhaps that will be the case with your bf. If so, it's up to you to make sure to have sex with him after you've had sex with your black lover(s) whether you feel like it, want to, or it's satisfying for you or not--especially now, at the beginning! I can't stress this enough. This is positive reinforcement for him psychologically: you get fucked by a black guy, he gets fucked, too--every time (something that may not always happen every time he is with you)!!!
Don't tell him your black lovers are bigger or better than him--even if they are. That is threatening to the male ego. If a male's ego becomes too threatened, he will split or worse. You don't want what you are doing to be threatening to your bf's ego if you want to keep him. Tell him it's "different", highlight the color contrast, etc., whatever. Unless he's already a submissive and you are absolutely sure of that, now is NOT the time to do or say anything that will make him feel inferior to the black men you are fucking. That will come later and may even come quite on its own from him...if you handle things the right way now.
If you can, try to make this something that is cool and fun for both of you to do that will give both of you sexual satisfaction. Once he feels that he can enjoy what you are doing, too, and that it's not threatening to him, his ego, his place in your relationship, or to his sexual gratification, he will be hooked. At some point he will begin to wonder why he should waste his time and money chasing after other women who may or may not fuck him or who will want more from him than he is willing to give them when he can just stay with you and get his brains fucked out every time you fuck a black guy. At that point he may start to encourage you to fuck more black guys more often or begin to take more of an interest in what you are doing with your black lover(s) and look to see if there is some way that he can play a part in it.
From there, who knows what he will decide turns him on? But, by then, he'll already be hooked and still tied to you.
Do not try to push him into the kinds of more extreme things that some of the folks on this and other sites are into at this stage or before he is ready to do them himself. A lot of people who post on these sites either have forgotten about where they were when they first started out or have only done the things that they talk about in their fantasies. Let's be real here: the average white guy in the US isn't going to suddenly bow down and admit to Black Superiority the first time he finds out that his wife or gf has or is interested in fucking a black man. If he hasn't already admitted an interest in seeing (or learning about) you having sex with a black man--and, in your case, he didn't, it was your idea first--you're going to have to bring him around to having that interest if you want to keep him and keep fucking black men (sounds like you do) by finding a way for him to get something out of it. At least at this stage. As things progress, he may (more likely than not, but that's not guaranteed) find other aspects of this that he will find sexually, emotionally, or psychologically gratifying. But, he's not there yet and it would be a big mistake to expect him to be. You have to help him get there because right now, in all likelihood, he doesn't know where he stands with you, what his place in all of this might be, or how to handle the obvious threat that he is feeling to himself and his manhood.
The ball is very much in your court now. If you truly want to keep your bf, you have to recognize that he is in a very weak and vulnerable position right now (not a place any man wants or likes to be) and you have to take charge of the situation and make him feel more secure about staying with you by making him feel good about staying with you and accepting your desire to have sex with black men as well. You don't do that by "friending" or having sex with his black friends, co-workers or acquaintances and sticking everything in his face at this point or by telling him he's less of a lover than your black lovers are (even if that is the case). You do that by building him up and giving him a reason to stay with you and accept what you are doing--and you haven't or aren't doing that just yet (at least not according to your posts).
The other things that some of the people here would like to have happen will come naturally in time. Be patient. Be careful. And be smart in your approach. Make it worth his while to be with you, accept your involvement and get involved, somehow, himself at this point and the rest will take care of itself.
I'll keep u posted